But aren’t those illegal in Alabama?

The Rev. Gary Aldridge was a paster in his Alabama baptist church for fifteen years, a graduate of the uber-conservative, fundamentalist neo-con Liberty University, and former employee of Jerry Falwell. He was a 51 year old husband and father, a supporter of the evangelical movement, and apparently, a closeted fetishist.

The reverend was found wearing two wetsuits, a diving mask, several belts and other bondage gear which had been used to hogtie him, leading many in the pastor’s flock to suspect foul play.

That is, until the autopsy results came in.

Officially, the medical examiner has recorded the cause of death as “accidental mechanical asphyxia” — most likely auto-erotic asphyxiation, although that term is not used in the report, as he was found with a condom-covered dildo in his arse. Which is ashame, as sex toys such as dildos are illegal in the state of Alabama. Of course, various fundamentalist websites still contest, eventhough the autopsy shows no signs of struggle, defensive marks, or any other indicators of foul play (and in fact rules out foul play), that the Reverend, who was completely under liberal radar until now, was murdered.

Yes, and Pastor Ted was raped.

Interestingly, the toxicology report is “attached” rather than filed in as “unremarkable” like much else on the autopsy report, suggesting the pastor may or may not have had various drugs (prescription or otherwise) in his system at the time of death. Considering his age and weight, this may be completely innocuous — or not.

Not that any of that should have any bearing on anything else except that his personal effects include something which is illegal in the state of residence — perhaps not of note to prosecute him as much as much as to say, “hey look, even this pastor likes a kink in his sex life — maybe dildos don’t make baby Jesus cry after all!” But instead, the Conservatives will divorce themselves from him, the Liberals will condemn him as a hypocrite, and civil libertarians such as myself will sit there, scratch our heads like we did over Larry Craig, and say “Why does anyone care what goes on in the bedroom (or mens room, in the Senator’s case) of consenting adults?”

Link: The Rev’s Autopsy Report on TSG.