Join the Black Parade

English tabloid, The Daily Mail, is a bastion of integrity and well-research journalism, and every year it surprises me that no writer is nominated for a Pulitzer! Take for example their most recent probing investigation into “why no child is safe from the sinister cult of emo.”

Some describe it as a cult or a sect, but in reality the term ? derived from the word “emotional” ? encapsulates a trend that is becoming hugely popular among Britain’s schoolchildren.

A trans-Atlantic import, its followers dress in black, favouring tight jeans, T-shirts, studded belts and sneakers or skater shoes.

Hair is all-important: often dyed black and straightened, it is worn in a long fringe brushed to one side of the face.

Music also plays a critical role.

Emos like guitar-based rock with emotional lyrics.

American bands such as My Chemical Romance, Good Charlotte and Blink 182 are particular favourites.

…

My Chemical Romance made it to No.1 in the UK chart with Welcome To The Black Parade in October 2006 – the ‘black parade’ is a place where all emos believe they will go when they die [emphasis ed. at BoM]

Wow! And this from a paper which is published in a country that brought the world The Smiths, The Cure, and The Sex Pistols, none of which were as dangerous for children by influencing depression or anarchy (or a weird love of toast and fax machines) like Emo bands!

That’s right, lock your children up ladies and gents! The Plain White Ts are going to make your children commit suicide in numbers that would make the Japanese envious.

Wait, the Plain White Ts can’t be emo! They’re plain white ts. Now, if they were plain black ts, maybe…but only if they teach kids about joining the black parade.

Ah, the Daily Mail: scare mongering that even FOX News can find excessive!